Do you?

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I work with several wonderful reviewers on some of my poetry. One, KB, from The Mirror Obscura (a site that I highly recommend by the way—KB is an incredible poet) had suggested the poem may be too prosaic.

On the other hand, the  fantastic Julia Dean-Richards from A Place for Poetry (a fellow PenDraggon; I have linked to her deeply moving work before, here and here) liked it, but then did two things that saved it: 1) she cut it’s length, making it briefer and more to the point (never a bad thing), and 2) changed the font size of certain phrases.

The result seems—to me anyway—to leap from the page and become even more intense then I had written it. Unfortunately, my blog theme does not allow me to change the size of a font so I opted to post an image of the poem that preserves the exotic formatting.

Thank you for reading Do you? We sincerely hope you have enjoyed it and I humbly appreciate your visiting the Book of Pain. As always, I look forward to your comments.

john

© 2013 by Julia-Dean Richards and John Etheridge; all rights reserved. This poem and accompanying notes are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License. This applies to all original work found on this site, unless noted otherwise. The attribution claimed under the license for this poem is: © 2013 by Julia Dean-Richards and John Etheridge, https://bookofpain.wordpress.com.

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11 Comments

Filed under Poetry

11 responses to “Do you?

  1. Aww John, I am glad this survived – I laughed, and then…. felt a jab of sad at the end. The font sizing is very VERY clever!

    • And I so, so, SO wish I could take credit for it! But that was all Julia, and she is a gifted poet with an incredible liveliness and originality to her work. I muddle along…she shines!

      • Oh no, shines you say? I am jealous already. I shall make my way to her blog to see for myself. Please keep muddling along – it doesn’t matter how it comes, right? I am struggling at the moment, with poetry. I’ve been sending my work to KB but I am really starting to wonder if I should give it up and stick to prose! Why does it have to be so bewitching?
        Kim

      • Well, in my case (and I am hardly the gold standard of success, but at least there are some times when I feel some pride in a few of my poems when I stumble upon them months after posting) I re-write a lot of old stuff, and have written many more that you do not see than you do. It’s a long, constant journey, not a destination that you are ever likely to reach.

      • I too have many more things in draft than published! It’s a good thought – perhaps there will be some use for it – one day. Thank you for sharing your attitude about writing, I can get a little weighed down with my own negative talk at times! Geez, how do I switch that guy off?? Happy weekend to you, Kim.

  2. John, this is wild, and sacred, and good, inviting one into authenticity. Glad I stopped by. Have a good week. T

  3. Lyn Tolar

    I like this poem very, very much.

  4. I love what the font size does. No too prosaic. Not now. I hear pity in my head at the end, not so much shame. Please critique my work. This is what I’m hoping for.